Twenty-three years ago, I surrendered my ministerial credentials rather than lie to a church I felt called to and which was an integral part of my being. My EUB and then UM church had taught me that lying wasn’t normally an ethical or healthy experience, and I knew I couldn’t survive living a lie. So I left.
This past Sunday I finally had the incredible joy of going to Washington, D.C., and marrying the partner with whom I’ve cohabitated for the last 24 years. We’ve raised two incredible children (both married by the way—our influence was minimal!), and we were the first to babysit our first grandchild, which we do now on a very regular basis.
Life is incredibly good for us: Families have been accepting, and friends have been supportive. To be honest, we’ve been Ozzie and Ozzie; there’s just been no Harriet. We’re good people, good citizens, incredibly fortunate people. But, all these years later, there’s still a void in my life. I’ve moved on, but as a spouse who will never fully get over the loss of their significant other, and occasionally think of them with sometimes a smile, sometimes a tear, I still miss my church.
My relationship now meets “fidelity in marriage and celibacy in singleness” criteria, but my guess is I’m still not welcome back in the way I believe I am called to be. I could go to any other mainline Protestant denomination now and serve fully in the way God has called me to serve. I still can’t in my own United Methodist Church. I’ve not been an active church member because for me it has been too painful. I am writing because I don’t want you to forget about me and the many people like me. Just because we aren’t there doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten the church we love. Will your doors ever fully open to us? That is my prayer!
Gregory A. Wise
York, Pa.
Former member, Baltimore-Washington Conference
Gregory,
We will not forget and are working to open doors. Thank you for your witness among us.
Dottie Escobedo-Frank
Amen!
As a life time UMC member I am very happy with the way everything work out in Tampa . And with the African vote I feel the doors to my church well be open to me for years and years the feature look better than ever. And the church I love has done the right thing Thank You Jesus for prayers answered.
We all have choices to make and consequences to live with. Gregory chose love for another man over love for and service to God. It was honorable of him to choose his love preference, I suppose, but to believe he made the right choice will require that we throw the Bible into the garbage can and use culture and sexual preferences as our moral guide. The apparently idyllic near-term outcomes may not be an accurate predictor of the eternal outcome, though.
There seems to be some consensus that homosexual people do not choose to have the same-sex attractions and sexual feelings that they experience, but that doesn’t mean that living a homosexual life-style does not involve choices. Homosexual people have a choice as to whether or not to act on their same-sex attractions and sexual feelings. Bi-sexual people make a choice every time they choose to engage in homosexual sex rather than heterosexual sex. Heterosexual people who are married with children and then forsake their marriage and children for a homosexual relationship have made a choice to do so. The fluidity in sexual orientation found especially in lesbians, but also in gays, speaks to the choice of sexual orientation available to many, if not most, homosexual people. And where there is choice there is also the potential for change. See more at http://rethinkingtheology.com/2012/07/29/truth-and-hope-for-gays-and-lesbians/
As we approach the 495th anniversary (October 31, 1517) of the ‘start’ of the Reformation by Martin Luther, I pray that once more the Spirit of reformation would sweep over the church. I am increasingly finding it difficult to reconcile the statements of condemnation of my homosexual brothers and sisters with the Gospel as proclaimed in the scriptures. If sexuality is a gift from God then who is the church to say that your gift as you understand it is “incompatible with Christian teaching?”
“The distinguishing marks of a Methodist are not his opinions of any sort. His assenting to this or that scheme of Religion, his embracing any particular set of notions, his espousing the judgment of one man or of another, are all quite wide of the point. Whosoever therefore imagines, that a Methodist is a man of such or such an opinion, is grossly ignorant of the whole affair; he mistakes the truth totally. We believe indeed, that all Scripture is given by the inspiration of God, and herein we are distinguished from Jews, Turks, and Infidels. We believe the written word of God to be the only and sufficient rule, both of Christian faith and practice; and herein we are fundamentally distinguished from those of the Romish church. We believe Christ to be the eternal, supreme God; and herein we are distinguished from the Socinians and Arians.
But as to all opinions which do not strike at the root of Christianity, we think and let think. So that whatsoever they are, whether right or wrong, they are no distinguishing marks of a Methodist.”
“The Character of a Methodist” (1739); in The Works of the Rev. John Wesley in Ten Volumes (1826), Volume IV, p. 407.
You and your lovely family are in my prayers Gregory. I’m praying I too may be able to pursue my call in this denomination as well.
Gregory,
Move to the West Coast. You will find annual conferences out there far more friendly and willing to help you return to pastoral ministry, with your partner. It will take some effort and expense, but if that is where your heart is, then ‘Go West, young man, Go West!
God bless you, Gregory.